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Business, Food, General

Tesco’s Austerity Cost saving Program – Internal Memo – For Management Only

Dear Colleagues,

Below please find results from of our most recent cost savings emergency brainstorm, which recently took place at headquarters in Cheshunt. Any contributions or thoughts on these prospective “meats” would be most welcome:

tesco-austerity program

As you can see, we are quite prepared for the hard times ahead. So, in summary, since the glorious days of british beef are behind us, with beef being rather scarce and expensive these austere times, it seems wild horse meat (our Irish associates have a saucy little plan in place to kick things off – so long as bad press is minimal) followed by Squirrel and Geese are the next viable options.What do you think?

Next are African zebra (although they could pose a few logistical and public relations challenges), and mice (I was told the meat is quite tender) followed by north american raccoons, which can be imported cheaply via mexican gangs. My least favorite are voles (whose meat I’m told is quite salty – has anybody tasted them?). Otherwise, we can fall back on dog sanctuaries (most of them are broke anyway, so we’ll be doing them a favour!). But worse case scenario( brace yourselves for this one), we have lined up a bushmeat procurement task force to catch baboon across Central and Southern Africa. Apparently Congo markets are the best for this one. In fact as I write, nearly a ton of anesthetic is in transit being shipped to the Congo!

ladies and gentlemen, I look forward to hearing from you.


Meats Procurement manager

Tesco – Every Little Helps


3 thoughts on “Tesco’s Austerity Cost saving Program – Internal Memo – For Management Only

  1. It’s Romanian horsemeat, however Romanians never said they were exporting beef in the firts place. See my last post on this

    Posted by communicationxdevelopment | February 10, 2013, 2:18 pm


  1. Pingback: Horsemeat « Gnstr's blog - February 15, 2013

  2. Pingback: Its been 5 years | Gnstr's blog - February 17, 2014

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