Below please find results from of our most recent cost savings emergency brainstorm, which recently took place at headquarters in Cheshunt. Any contributions or thoughts on these prospective “meats” would be most welcome:
As you can see, we are quite prepared for the hard times ahead. So, in summary, since the glorious days of british beef are behind us, with beef being rather scarce and expensive these austere times, it seems wild horse meat (our Irish associates have a saucy little plan in place to kick things off – so long as bad press is minimal) followed by Squirrel and Geese are the next viable options.What do you think?
Next are African zebra (although they could pose a few logistical and public relations challenges), and mice (I was told the meat is quite tender) followed by north american raccoons, which can be imported cheaply via mexican gangs. My least favorite are voles (whose meat I’m told is quite salty – has anybody tasted them?). Otherwise, we can fall back on dog sanctuaries (most of them are broke anyway, so we’ll be doing them a favour!). But worse case scenario( brace yourselves for this one), we have lined up a bushmeat procurement task force to catch baboon across Central and Southern Africa. Apparently Congo markets are the best for this one. In fact as I write, nearly a ton of anesthetic is in transit being shipped to the Congo!
ladies and gentlemen, I look forward to hearing from you.
Meats Procurement manager
Tesco – Every Little Helps
- Horse-meat in Tesco Burgers! (marketingthroughart.wordpress.com)
- Horsemeat discovered in beefburgers on sale at Tesco and Iceland (independent.co.uk)
- Tesco chief uses Talking Shop blog to rein in horsemeat burger scandal (guardian.co.uk)
- Tesco’s horse meat burger woes continue with ‘hit the hay’ Twitter fail (metro.co.uk)
- Tesco places full-page adverts in national newspapers to apologise for horse meat scandal (independent.co.uk)
- UK retail giant Tesco apologizes after automated tweet appeared to joke about horsemeat fiasco – @Telegraph (telegraph.co.uk)
- boys kicked out of tesco dressed as pantomime horse video (thesun.co.uk)
- UK News: Tesco in horse meat burger apology (walesonline.co.uk)
- Tesco tweets ‘red rum’ advice to horse joke request (metro.co.uk)
- Tesco tweets itself into more horsemeat trouble (guardian.co.uk)