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General, Poetry

December confessions


1. Can watch commercials all day, especially funny ones. My favorite are the Strongbow ones (like these ones here) and the Meerkat ones (1, 2 and Meerkovo) Priceless.

2. Sometimes it looks like I have too many days when nobody understands, or makes the slightest effort to be helpful. You know those wretched days when you start off optimistically, but everything goes amiss. Someone calls you in the morning and steals 20 minutes of your time in fruitless talk. The car develops a fault you can’t afford to pay for at that point of the month. The cheque you’ve been expecting doesn’t show up. One of your accounts somehow goes overdrawn. You try and call the bank, and are kept on the phone queue for 20 minutes. When you eventually decide to go there in person, theres insane traffic on the road – every road is clogged and moving at snail’s pace it’s as if its been sent specifically to delay you – and you arrive at your destination, the time is 4.35pm,  5 minutes after the bank shut. And on return from this disappointment you bump straight into another, you’ve been given a parking ticket! Oh, and you’ve got a book due today and have to drop it off at the library. That doesn’t happen either. Guess what, its Wednesday today, the Library is shut, and you can’t remember the password of your library card to do it online, so you have a small fine. Wait a minute, where did I leave my wallet? … And just when you began thinking, this is really bad, all this is really crazy, it couldn’t possibly get any worse, it actually does: you get a call and find out you’ve just lost one of your best customers, to your competitor!

3. When I was in my early teens I once suddenly stopped having milk with my tea. simultaneously, I also stopped having butter with my bread?? According to the spectators who were about at the time, this cycle lasted for at least 2 whole years. I have no explanation except that i suddenly developed an intense hatred for the smell of butter, and the milk was caught in the crossfire of this hatred.

4. I seem to think after an indeterminate number of encounters with idiots, you run out of patience. And get to a point where you suffer no fools. Which can have some unexpected consequences.

5. Some complicated spellings and pronunciations send me mental. I’m not talking HONORIFICABILITUDINITATIBUS or anything that falls in such a category. I mean why the hell does bureaucracy have to be spelt as it is. Surely “beurocracy” or “beurokracy” would have sufficed? Even “burocracy” isnt too bad. Also, can you think of one good reason why Tomorrow must have two r’s in it? I’m not being funny, but what is wrong with “tomorow” or even tomoro, which Tomorrow corrects? Tomorow/ tomoro would sound the same, would look pretty much the same. Would provide efficiency/ time savings in terms of the amount of energy expended to communicate all the letters. It is pretty much the same. If having two letters were that important, why hasn’t the language featured three same and consecutive consonants in a single word? Why didn’t they just put in three m’s three r’s and three w’s (to make tommmorrrowww), with the additional consonants for extra measure? The fact that they didn’t have three in any word probably shows that its all rather pointless. Theres absolutely no point in having double letters. It was all a guess or some style with an indeterminate logic. Same goes for difficult. Why two f’s? Possible, why two s’s ! why! )(*&^%!£”$%^&*()_))(!*&^%& ?

Pebble, Peble what’s the difference? Oh, and difference itself, why can’t it just be diference, with a single f! Queue?????? why not “que”, or better just “Q”.

*** punches the air angrily***

As for pronunciations, don’t even get me started. I think the English language has a love affair with French. Why else would it have so many borrowed French words:- Soufflé; rendezvous, espionage, détente, entente, silhouette, attaché, art nouveau, marmalade, meringue, bureau, dossier, mirage, panache, café, décor, bourgeoisie, espionage, élite, expertise, lingerie, armoire, critique, genre, ambiance, collage, montage, … for godsake if you are going to borrow that many words from another language, why don’t you just flipping make yourself some new words instead?

Okay, it’s not only French, there are tons of Latin, German (angst, blitz, schadenfreude, kindergarten, etc) and even Hebrew words(Kosher, chutzpah..and what of that spelling that dubiously looks like an amalgamation of some of the letters in put, hoohah, chimpanzee and pizza? Surely ‘kootspa’ would have been shorter., crispier and neater?).

In other words, English is the mostwidespread inadequate hybrid in acute need of improvement.

6. I can’t live without comedy, especially British comedy. The list of comedians / comedianes is too long to recite here, but British comedy has got to be the best in the world. There’s no question about this. It’s a settled matter, the best kept secret on the planet; it’s so underrated, and it rocks!  Massively. And there’s no second place. If there was, it would be too far backward to be of any relevance.

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