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Silicon Roundabout

Santa Clara Valley

There is almost nothing aesthetically pleasing about Santa Clara Valley.

Viewed from afar, I think  its rather ugly, and if you look  imaginatively enough, you can almost see ancient dessert lands that at some point along the time-line of continental transformation, miraculously morphed into a semi-arid region, as if by divine decree.

So, I can’t understand why anyone would want to imitate such a place, except to attract particularly attractive women as allegedly live around the area.

Thus, I found this piece on your Prime Minister‘s recent antics – that has raised many eye brows-  both amusing and insulting in equal measures.

Silicon Valley for Britain…Really. How?

Ahem,… if its not too much trouble for me to ask Mr Prime Minister…, uum…err  have you ever been to, err, Silicon  Valley before sir?

And if you have been, what business took you there, more importantly what was it that you saw there,  if you don’t mind me asking?

And just before you respond, for all the bravado instilled in you at Oxford, in your sane mind, do you genuinely think that a building on a roundabout in East London could be the advent of  a phenomena that would be required to take on the might of what many unknowingly consider to be a wonder of the modern world?

Frankly, the Chinese with their Tianfu Software park– and many other similar endeavors- are thousands of miles ahead of you Cam, not that they are anywhere near to succeed since with all the money they have invested (which it is safe to assume at this point in time that it is much more than anything your government would be able to afford to invest), even their endeavors appear somewhat pathetic.

Also, which fool came up with the term Silicon Roundabout?

Silicon, more like Silicone.

Surely, someone could have come up with an original authentic term. And these are the guys who are pressing for Copyright law review? I suppose your advisers must have mentioned that such a name had potentially ambiguities about it. Frankly, if someone said to me, “lets go to Silicon Roundabout” when I didn’t know what it was,I wouldn’t know what to make of it. Wouldn’t expect to see a hi-tech establishment.

But you might ask, what about Silicon Valley? Well, everyone knows about that and have done for years, so no surprises there.

Further, forget what Google and Facebook said to you Cam- Of course they are going to say that wouldn’t they. They need every bit of publicity they can gather. Also, lets not forget that they can in fact afford to be in any damn place they fancy. Yet with the fickle nature of the technology sector, there are no guarantees that any of them will see the light of day come 2050.

What Cam should be focusing on are the little guys, who genuinely need help to spread their wings. Not Cisco or IBM.

Ok, lets give you some tips on what has some chances of success towards a comparable icon, and you be mindful to discuss it with Dyson or anyone else you lend ear to, Sam or Vince, yes, Vince is a sensible chap, fly the idea across Vince will ya.

So, here goes.

For once do try one properly serious carrot sire: – Free Internet + zero incubation bills for 2 years; No Corporation Tax for at least 2 years, and halved Income Tax +NI for at least 2 years. You are getting the idea right? If you make the place idyllic, techies will flock there like crazy- here check-out Google HQ for inspiration. You got the new visa thingy just about right, but soften its bureaucracy a bit. Also, remember that there are many geeks that don’t have £10K start-up capital in their bank accounts, and their parents won’t folk out such sums. So, less financial burdens please. After all its a carrot tactic remember, and you promised a “red carpet” didn’t you? Oh, and on the bit about the geeks, in case you are wondering how i know it all, well, the master is sort of one. So are most of his friends, who I’m certain would swear upon their Jaunty Jackalopes or Lucid Lynx‘s that I’m damn right.

But we’ll be dealing with people here so do at least  insist  that all tenants get insurance going. We don’t really want anyone getting hurt, do we.

That, my friend, will make you stand out.

The chances are it  will win you many friends, solid votes come next election you won’t even have any use for Nick. It will create thousands of jobs and may just about draw a sizeable number of the smartest software engineers this country will ever see, your way, not to mention causing some panic to the Chinese and the Indians [since the cream of their 100,000 or so engineers they are each generating out of their universities every year will know precisely where the deal is at].




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